What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
