I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize