I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
