I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
