After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
