I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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