Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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