Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
