well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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