Jerry, you need to find god
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
