I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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