Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
