Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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