I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Still dying that you shit outside
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize