I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
