Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
