So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
