i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just cropdusted the office
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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