Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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