I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
