when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
