She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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