so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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