I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize