god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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