Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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