I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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