I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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