Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
