3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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