Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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