my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
