Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
