what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
