He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We got so high we made milksteak
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
