i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
