The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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