I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
