I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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