True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
