She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
