I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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