i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
