You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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