sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
