end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize