She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
