Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
