Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
