Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
