Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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