this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
