What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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