and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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