He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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