After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
