You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
