One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
