ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
