just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
