No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
