hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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