spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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