Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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