considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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