I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
