ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
