I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
