i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
