I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
