About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
